Peter Singleness: From closed to open
The following is a brief introduction to the topic:
Hello fammm. We are back with the Heart of Dating Podcast, hosted by JJ and Kait Tomlin. Before we get started, we have an IMPORTANT announcement… We have officially joined the THAT SOUNDS FUN NETWORK !!!! We’re excited to join the team. We have new branding and artwork. There are so many podcasts on their network. Subscribe and like on YouTube! Then, we have an exciting event happening in Nashville on December 29th & 30th. The HEART of Dating Conference! Buy your tickets and be part of all the fun!
The episode today is a CRAZY one! Tara Leigh Cobble, the only Tara Leigh Cobble in the house! !
TLC and All the Amazing Things Updates! !
TLC is a Dallas-based single woman with no children, pets or kids. She has some amazing ministries. If you are confused about the Bible, she has The Bible Recap. She has a ministry, D-Group, where you can study the Bible. They do a 12-week study of a Bible book. She also organizes luxury trips to Israel.
These resources are AMAZING!!! !
TLC was intentionally single for 3 years (aka closed singleness), but she never stopped wanting to get married. She was burned out on dating. On May 21, 2021, her Life Pastor told her some difficult things. He said that he didn’t believe that she had been talking to God, but that instead she was ignoring the entire thing. He told her to pray about it. She began dating again. She has some of the worst and best first date stories.
You might find this resonates with many of you. You may have entered a season of closed singleness because you are frustrated and would rather not deal. It’s too hard to deal with the tension between frustration and hope. It’s much easier to stay home than go out.
TLC speaks about how she will process through if she wishes to enter another closed season of singleness. What she would do differently is pray about her desires DURING this season. This is an opportunity for us to follow suit.
You’ve experienced seasons of open singleness AND closed singleness. Do you find the Holidays difficult to be single? It has been more difficult to be single?
TLC states that it is always difficult in some way. She does not think God wants us just to stuff them down. He wants us talk to people we know and love about how difficult this time can be.
What have you done to get closer to God in this season?
Each time we bring something to the Lord and share our hearts with him, ask him to speak on it, listen to him and obey him we strengthen and fortify our relationship with him.
Even when the circumstances remain unchanged, feeling seen and heard by trusted friends can be a game changer. TLC has made it a priority to surround herself with a team of emotionally healthy people.
What is the place where you feel that you need to be spiritually and emotionally matured?
TLC’s relationship felt like an epoch-making event in her life, and it became very important. She then went into a really intensive therapy to try and get her emotionally healthy. But it took something dramatic, she had to stop recognizing herself for her to make a change. She had a group girlfriends who were really supportive and she realized the importance of emotional and spiritual maturity.
How did you recognize the difference between a cheerleader and a board of life advisors that will have difficult conversations with you when you look at your friends?
You can learn a lot from watching how your friends deal with their own problems. How do they evaluate themselves? Are they aware of themselves? Do they gossip? Has the person undergone significant therapy? Are they aware of areas in which they can improve? What do they do when they don’t get their way?
What have you done to have fun as a single? Do you have any traditions? What would you tell singles who are afraid to do things alone?
TLC has created traditions for herself and she would love to carry them on if she ever gets married. She takes a solo trip every year to NYC to see old friends and try new things. It’s something she looks forward to. She throws a singles-only Thanksgiving leftovers party. Everyone brings their leftovers from the holiday and she has had dates come out of this party.
It is important to note that all of this has a meaningful and significant meaning. 1) It takes you out from a place where self-pity is prevalent, but 2) You can also use it to show kindness and compassion to another person who is in the same space. It builds community and the body of Christ. Self-pity is also a sin that can be squelched by serving. It is important to not think about yourself during the holidays. This is why volunteering is a good way to avoid thinking about your own problems. It helps us be more focused on others.
Singles can be influenced by married friends’ opinions about singleness. They may not invite singles to Christmas parties, or other events for families, but only couples and families. What can we say? What would you say to your friends?
It’s not reasonable to assume that friends will know what we need. It’s our responsibility to communicate our needs with our friends. Let people know what you need. We want people in these spaces who will not make us feel burdened. These are the people who want to be there for you and care about what’s in your heart. They may want to be there for you but not realize that you need them. You are more likely to be in relationships where you feel valued, loved and seen.
