Peter How To Keep A Conversation Going (With Examples)
I had a hard time making conversation and often found myself in awkward silences.
As I became friends with people who were socially aware, I learned to maintain my conversations. This guide will show you how to keep a conversation going.
You will feel more comfortable in social situations, and you can make new friends.
Watch this video to get a summary of the entire article.
8 ways to keep the conversation going
It’s not easy to know what to say or how to keep someone interested. Here are some tips to help you keep the conversation going.
1. Open-ended Questions
Closed-ended questions only allow two answers: Yes or No.
Closed-ended question examples:
- How are you?
- Was work good?
- Is the weather good?
Questions with an open-ended answer, however, can encourage more detailed answers.
Examples open-ended questions
- What did you do today?
- What did you accomplish today at work?
- What is your ideal weather?
Closed-ended questions don’t have to be bad. If you’re having trouble starting a conversation, try asking an open-ended question every now and then.
But David, when I ask someone about their work, they may just reply, “Oh, that’s the usual.”
Right! People often assume that we are being polite when we ask these questions. It could be because they are busy or do not want to speak. You can read my guide on how to tell if someone is interested in talking to you.
We need to show that we are interested in continuing the conversation.
2. Ask follow-up questions
Follow up your initial question with more questions to show you care about the answer. Our conversations often end because we aren’t sincere or interested enough.
Example:
- What have you done today?
- Them: “Working, mainly.”
- You can follow up by asking: “How is your work?
- Them: “Well. I think it is going …”. (Your friend will give a more detailed answer because you asked a question that follows the first one. This keeps the conversation moving)
You want to tell a bit about yourself between the questions. This is my trick for getting the balance right. The IFR method is what you need.
3. Share and ask questions in the right balance
You can use the IFR method to find a balance between asking questions and sharing.
IFR is an acronym for:
- Inquire – Ask a sincere question
- Follow-up – Ask a follow-up question
- Relate- Tell us something about yourself to keep the conversation flowing and your questions balanced.
Example:
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What is your ideal weather?
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Your friend: I’m not sweating, but I do think I’m around 65.
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You [follow up]: Is it too hot for you to live here in LA?
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Your friend: Yes, I use my AC a lot.
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You can relate to this: I only like hot weather on holidays. On my workdays I prefer it to be cool, so that I can concentrate better.
You can now repeat the process by asking again:
- You ask: Do you feel drowsy in the heat?
You can then follow-up, ask questions, or relate to their response.
Notice how the IFR creates a nice balance within the conversation.
This is what I envision: a timeline.
4. Imagine the timeline of the other person
Visualize a timeline to start a conversation. You want to fill in all the blanks. starts the conversation at “now,” which makes sense. You start by talking about the moment that you are in and then move backwards along the timeline.
Natural conversations ripple outwards from the present moment to the past and future. The conversation can begin with banal remarks about the food at dinner and end up talking about childhood or dreams.
Examples:
Question about the Present Moment
- How do you like your salmon roll?
- Do you know what song this is?
Questions regarding the near future
- What do you do/study? “How do you like it?”
- What are you planning to do on your visit?
- How was your visit here?
Questions regarding the medium- and long-term Future
- What are your plans for …?”?
- Do you have any plans for your next vacation? “Do you have plans for your next holiday?”
- Where are you from originally? “How did you move?”
- What do you do when not working?
You can come up with better questions if you imagine a timeline showing someone’s past, present and future.
5. Avoid asking too many consecutive questions
The questions are listed below for your convenience. You don’t need to conduct an interview with the other person. Instead, have a casual conversation. Share relevant information about yourself between the questions. The conversation could go in any direction and deviate from the timeline.
Here’s a guide on how to talk without asking too many question. )
6. Be interested
Ask questions to get to know people, not just for the sake asking them!
Show genuine interest in the person you are talking to. If you show genuine interest in people, they will be more likely to talk and ask questions. Here are 222 questions that will help you get to know someone.
7. Talk about your mutual interests
You will need to find a topic of mutual interest in order to get the conversation moving past smalltalk. It’s for this reason that I ask questions and mention topics I think others might be interested in.
What would you like to discuss with the person about whom you are talking? Literature, health, technology, arts? We can make some assumptions about someone’s interests and bring them into the conversation.
You could say “I’ve just finished reading this book called Shantaram.” Do you read a lot?”
If you do not get a positive answer, ask about something else later or mention something else. If you mention books but the person does not seem interested, then you can say “I finally saw Blade Runner.” Are you into sci-fi?”
Why is it that mutual interests are so effective in starting a conversation? When you discover a mutual interest, you will feel a special connection with the person. You can now leave the small talk and focus on something that you both enjoy.
8. Face the person you are talking to and maintain eye contact
You might instinctively look away or move away from someone you are talking to if you’re uncomfortable. This can be interpreted as a lack of interest or dishonesty by others, [ 2]. They won’t invest their time in the conversation.
Be sure to follow these steps to show that you are listening.
- Face the person
- Maintain eye contact with the speaker
- Nod and say “hmm” to give feedback
This guide on Confident Eye Contact will help you learn how to make and maintain eye contact.
