WHEN SINGLE PARENTS DATE – WHEN TO MEET THE KIDS

When single parent date…

It is common for single parents to ask “When should the children be introduced?” It’s a very important question.

Every situation and family are different, so there’s no simple answer.

I was once a single mother (I dated while having three children and an infant) and have helped hundreds of single mothers find love. This question has been asked a gazillion time, and I have some interesting thoughts to share.

Let me begin by telling you a story…

Years ago, a client of mine was insistent on waiting an entire year before she introduced her children to any man or woman that she was dating. She wanted to protect them from the pain and suffering that a breakup could bring. She was a thoughtful parent and a thoughtful person. I appreciated her intentionality in dating. Although I appreciated her good intentions I thought a year was too much time to wait. I therefore suggested that she introduce the children to the man she is dating sooner.

How long should single parents delay introducing their children to the world?

Every situation is unique, but I think a year, or even six-months, is too long.

Why?

I’d like to share with you a personal experience…

When I was dating as a single mother, I met Miguel, a hot Spanish man.

Miguel was fun and handsome. He had a great job. I also liked his family. Miguel treated me as a princess. We had a great chemistry. I was excited every time I saw him.

After a week, we decided to go on dates exclusively. Miguel was introduced to my son who is three years old. We spent some time together.

Over time, I began to notice that Miguel was not interacting with my son. He didn’t seem to be enjoying being with my son or playing with him. I also learned that he was not getting along with his own teenage children, who I met. (They were wonderful). As I got to better know Miquel, I realised that we had different parenting values.

Despite the fact that Miguel and I had a great time together, I decided to end our three-month romance immediately.

Yes, I did end a relationship because I knew that he was not a good match for my son. He was a beautiful, sweet, earnest man with a wonderful family.

That meant that he was not a good fit for me.

Miguel was angry when I told him to stop. Miguel promised to learn more about my son and to do better. Although I thought it was a very nice gesture, I knew that our parenting values were far too different. It was not an issue that could be changed. Miguel was a great guy who had a lot to offer. But kids weren’t really his thing. It was time to move on.

What would have happened if I introduced him to my child six months later or an year earlier?

It would have been a waste of time to spend so much time with the wrong person.

I was prepared to meet “the one” and knew what my dealbreakers would be. Before I met Miguel I wrote them down.

Would you like to know what the best part of this tale is?

Just two weeks after we broke up, because I had the courage and insight to end the relationship with Miquel, I found myself in the perfect place and time, and I met my future spouse!

Does that mean single parents must introduce their children to all the people they date?

No, of course not! Once you have decided to concentrate on someone who you feel is trustworthy and has real potential, you should include your children in the equation. This will allow you to see if they get along. A family is an integrated package.

Spending some time with your child is a good way to get to know the person you are dating.

Dating a single parent can give you a good idea of the type of parent they will be.

I did not waste any time with the wrong person. You shouldn’t waste your time either.

When I work with clients, we spend quite a bit of time defining what does not work. This is because knowing what works is as important as understanding what does not .

You should be able to recognize red flags immediately so that you don’t waste your time dating the wrong people.

Stick to your deal-breakers no matter what. Do not get into a tangle when you find out that the person you are dating is not a good fit.

Do not waste time wishing things would be different or hoping they will change.

You should move on immediately if you see a red-flag. It’s a dealbreaker. Make room in your life so that the right person can show up.

This topic is very personal, and I know that not everyone will be in agreement with my recommendations.

Every situation is unique, including the relationship between a divorced parent and a single parent. Single parents who date must do what is best for their family.

These stories and my advice will hopefully give you some food for thought to help you make the best decision for yourself.

I wish you much success and happiness on your dating adventure!