Peter Are you ignored by others? Why people ignore you & what to do
In my youth, I was frequently ignored in social settings.
Later on in life I began studying social interaction. This helped me understand why people ignore me. My course on social skills is taken by thousands of people today.
What I learned about being ignored on my trip:
The fact that people ignore you doesn’t reflect on who you are. Even if you are ignored, you still have value. By identifying the reasons why people ignore, you can develop social skills to reduce the likelihood of people ignoring you in the future.
You can attract people’s attention, gain their respect, and make them want to speak to you by making small changes. You don’t have to change your personality.
People may ignore you for many reasons
It can be painful to feel ignored. The ” Still Face Experiment” shows how babies can become upset when they are ignored by their caregivers. This pattern also continues in adults. It is perfectly normal to feel upset when others ignore you.
What are the reasons why people ignore you?
1. You’re too quiet
Most people don’t realize that you are quiet because you are shy or because you don’t have the words to say. (Or because you overthink, like I do).
thinks that you are quiet because you do not want to speak to them. They think that by leaving you alone, they will be doing you a favour.
You are not “rewarding” them for their efforts if you give only short answers when they try to talk to you. You might make them feel like they’re being rejected, and they won’t try to talk again.
You should work on your communication skills and shyness before . If you follow these steps, the problem of being ignored should disappear.
2. You are trying too hard
People picked up on the fact that I was trying too hard to be friends. People who are healthy may avoid people that appear to be too needy.
Later in life, I saw this from the opposite side. I feel a little desperate when someone is too eager to speak to me. This makes me less inclined to talk with them.
You don’t want be distant, but you also don’t wish to not initiate a conversation. How can you be assertive without appearing needy?
Talking to people is the solution. Stop rushing through the process. It’s like doing the same thing, but lowering the intensity by a few notch. You can stop trying to prove your worth by bragging or being humble. This has the opposite impact.
Instead of trying my best to express myself on the first day I waited weeks or even months. I didn’t force conversation; instead, I let it happen when it felt right. In other words I spread out my inquiries and initiatives over a longer period of time. I stopped appearing needy and people became more willing to speak to me.
Take your time, but be proactive and social. Never seek approval. You’ll be more attractive.
3. You are waiting for others to acknowledge you
Insecure, I waited for others to acknowledge me. To avoid rejection, I waited for people to be kind to me before doing anything. People thought I was unfriendly and arrogant.
I learned to smile and ask friendly questions when I greet people.
When I wasn’t sure if someone would remember me, I would be confident and warm. “Hi! “Good to see you again !”. This has always been greatly appreciated, and it feels better than ignoring someone out of insecurity.
Warm and friendly does not mean needy.
4. It can be difficult to build rapport
building rapport is one of the foundations of social skill. It’s about being able read a situation and react appropriately. People who are not able to build rapport with others tend to annoy them.
You might think that changing your behavior depending on the circumstances makes you a fake.
Humanity is about being able to express different sides of ourselves. is when you act one way for your grandmother and another with your friend.
It’s amazing that you can make a connection with someone by recognizing their mood and then expressing a part of yourself that fits.
Here are some examples that will make people avoid you when you break rapport:
- Speaking more or less than others
- Too much or too little energy
- Discussions about things that other people are not interested in
- When no one else is around, you swear loudly
- When others are being friendly, it is not cool to act aloof or cool.
Lists go on and on. The list goes on forever.
Think about someone instead. How would you behave if you were to try and imitate this person? Is their voice soft? Calm? Intense?
When we stop to think about it, we have a surprising understanding of what someone looks like. Bring out the soft-spoken part of yourself next time you’re with someone. It’s amazing that we can have so many different sides to ourselves. It’s all about knowing when to use them.
You’ll be able to connect with others on a deeper level when you do this. They’ll also want to spend more time around you.
5. Negative or low energy could be a sign of your personality
It’s also possible to break a relationship by being always negative or low energy. Since this is a very common reason, I will elaborate.
Sometimes it’s okay to be negative. All of us are. If it is a habit it’s worth investigating.
Here are some examples:
- No smile or happiness
- You don’t appreciate your friends
- Quietly answering questions with a single-word answer
- Overly cynical
- Arguing someone who has said something positive
Negative or low-energy people can be devastating because they are influenced by their energy. We avoid people who are negative because we want to avoid them.
It’s not about being overly positive or high-energy. It’s important to be able pick up the energy and positivity of others.
It’s not necessary to pretend that you are happy, but you should be aware of your energy in social situations.
You can, for example, say that you are not in a great mood while still refraining from bringing negativity into your interactions. You can say, “I am not feeling well today but I know it will pass.” How are you feeling ?”
This article on How to be more optimistic about life might interest you.
6. You might look tense
I didn’t know why people would approach and talk to my friends, but not me. It took me many years to realize that I would look sternly at people when I felt uncomfortable.
You can ask your friends to tell you if they think that you appear angry or stern when in a social setting. You can relax your face by practicing smiling and a relaxed greeting.
7. You may come across as strange
A second mistake I made was to try and be different by using odd humor, which people did not understand. They didn’t understand if I was serious or not. This made them uncomfortable. People tend to avoid those who make them uncomfortable.
You may also seem strange if you bring up niche interests unrelated to the topic of conversation.
You should read my guide on being weird: Why am I so strange?
8. You talk too much
Over-talking can overwhelm someone, and the person may not know what to do other than ignore you and hope that you stop.
Many people prefer to ignore you rather than tell you you’re overpowering them.
You can find useful tips in this article about and how to handle too much.
9. You ask too many questions
You can feel as if you are interrogating someone if you ask them too many questions.
Asking questions that are sincere and sharing bits of your life is a good balance.
